It’s Okay To Be Single And Selfish

November 14, 2016

This time 2 years ago, I distinctly remember telling myself that I was ready for a relationship and all that it would entail. I was ready to accept a partner with all their faults, baggage, and short comings. I was willing to put the work in. I was very aware of my own short comings as well as my strengths. I knew that if the right person came into my life I would recognize him in an instant because of vision of myself and what I wanted was so clear. My wish was granted and I met a great man, we had a short relationship and both grew in the process, but ultimately it didn’t work out.


Two years later, I’m in a very different place. In some ways it feels like I’ve regressed but in other ways, I’ve come so far. For the last few months, I’ve been dating casually and have been enjoying the moments without expectations of anything more; more time, more dates, etc. I have learned the art of living in the moment. It’s been a liberating experience for me to date just for the purpose of dating and without the expectation of a relationship. I’m somewhat ashamed to say that in the last few weeks, I’ve met men, gone out with them once, and never returned their calls or requests for another date. I guess you could say I’ve been ghosting. Most of these men have done nothing wrong, they were perfectly good people, but I’m at a selfish place in life right now. I don’t have the same “relationship mentality” that I once did. I’m highly focused on myself and my business right now and I lack patience for anyone or anything that takes time away from my business.


I have no desire to participate on “how are you?” texts or pointless pleasantries that dating requires. My ultimate relationship goal right now is to just grab a drink with a cool person once in a while when I need a break, and then I’d like to be left alone until the next break; selfish, I know. My mother told me that she becoming increasinly annoyed with my unreturned calls and texts. I told her she’s the “person I speak to most, so imagine how other people feel.”

At this point I’m just not willing to put the work into anyone but myself.

I don’t expect anyone to be perfect but I’m also not here to try to help anyone get there right now. A guy I was seeing recently told me he was uncertain about where things were going because he had circumstances going on in his personal life. Normally I would want more answers and pressed for more info, but I was actually relived because although he was a great guy, I simply didn’t have the patience to try to fix things or attempt to make them work.


One thing that I’ve had to adjust is how I communicate with the people I date. I was so used to looking for relationship oriented men and preparing myself for a relationship that I’ve had to learn how to articulate that I don’t want that. Whether you’re ready to be married tomorrow or simply working on yourself, it’s important to know where you are on the dating spectrum because you are involving other peoples hearts.