6 Things I Learned Interviewing Men About Dating and Relationships

December 15, 2016

Men and women want many of the same things in a relationship

This year on my podcast, I sat down with over 20 men at various stages of life; single, dating, in relationships, married, and divorced. I got some surprising insights on how men date and think. Men my be from Venus and women from Mars, but overall, we want many of the same things.

 

Sometimes they just want a simple ‘thank you’

Many of my male guests have told me that I would be surprised at how many women don’t give a simple ‘thank you’ after they have planned and paid for an entire date. When women don’t say thank you, men think all their kind gestures are just unappreciated expectations. Saying thank you is not only polite but it also reinforces the behaviors that you like. Thank you = I like that and please do it again.

 

They want the same things women do

I don’t know how this stereotype was formed, but somewhere along the way, men got the ‘lifetime bachelor’ label. Women started to believe that most men had to be dragged to the alter and sought to avoid marriage and settling down at all cost in exchange for sleeping around and hanging out with their friends. Not true! Men may like George Clooney but most of them don’t want to be him. Like many women they desire love, marriage, and a family. Even George Clooney ultimately no longer wanted to be George Clooney, he married his wife Amal at age 53.

 

They’re not mind readers and they will do it if you ask

Ladies, we have got to stop pretending men are mind readers. Yes, some things should be obvious but don’t get upset when the things you perceive as obvious is seen as unnecessary to men. Men have no problem complying with your wants and needs if you state them upfront and clearly. If you like flowers and want them occasionally, just say that. If you like a text everyday, tell him. If you’re upset, state that. Communication is key.

 

They feel like they’re getting old too

Mother nature is kinder to men when it comes to the biological clock, but they still worry about it. I remember turning 32 and thinking that I had mere moments to find a husband and create family before it was too late. I was surprised that my 30 something male guests felt the same. They are also feeling the pressure to find a partner and start a family before they get older.

 

They are pros at dealing with rejection

One of my personal fears is approaching men that I’m interested in. Although I’m pretty confident in most areas of my life, getting rejected by a man I like terrifies me. Like anything else practice makes perfect, and men have been practicing for a long time. Online (dating) women receive 17 times as many messages as men do. Men throw a lot of darts and accept that they don’t hit every target. They don’t take rejection personally and they move on quickly from it.

 

You can sleep with them, but you’re better off holding off

They have ALL heard the, “I don’t usually do this” line. They find it comical and they know it’s a lie. So if you’re going to do it, do it confidently and without lines and excuses. They will never turn you down for sex but they will wonder if this is normal behavior for you. Most men say it’s better to wait because it gives them a reason to keep trying to impress you. In the words of Tupac: I don’t want it if its that easy.